


Loveless in Liberio

by MizutaniShizuku



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Feels, Love Triangles, Marley (Shingeki no Kyojin), Paradis Island (Shingeki no Kyojin), Pining, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, Time Skips, Warriors (Shingeki no Kyojin) - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 20:08:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29231286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MizutaniShizuku/pseuds/MizutaniShizuku
Summary: As Reiner's childhood best friend, you come to realize the feelings you have for him and decide to finally confess. On the starlit rooftop overlooking Liberio, you discover the impossible mission Reiner is assigned. The fantasy of growing old with Reiner is just that—a fantasy. You wait weeks, months, and years for Reiner to return but he remains radio silent.
Relationships: Reiner Braun & Reader, Reiner Braun/Reader, Reiner Braun/You
Comments: 12
Kudos: 73





	1. Before You Go

The bell rings, signaling the arrival of a patron. 

“I’ll be right there!” You call while placing a new loaf into the blazing oven. You wipe your flour-covered hands on your checkered apron and head to the counter. It’s been a few hours since sunrise and you’re already exhausted. You rub the sleep out of your eyes. 

Platinum hair greets you and your eyes light up. He’s come to stop by again. _Reiner-_

Your features fall to a frown. He is not the blond you were expecting. Instead, another Warrior stands before you, his icy eyes brim with amusement. Zeke appears in a clean uniform, not a hair out of place. A pair of sleek round glasses rest on his nose that you haven’t seen before. They must be new. 

You recover with a small smile. A dull ache throbs in your chest. 

“How can I help you, Zeke?” you question casually, masking your disappointment. You should not have gotten your hopes up. Ever since Reiner began Warrior training, he has been far too busy to visit your bakery. You anticipated as much. Reiner is next in line to inherit the Armoured Titan, a great honor and privilege. His family is set to become Honorary Marleyans, a title Eldians can only dream of achieving. 

“I'll have the usual,” Zeke answers. You rake through the tresses of your memory to recall his order. 

“Two loaves of sourdough?" You ask, just to make sure. It would be a shame to give him the wrong order and lose a valuable customer. They are already hard to come by in Liberio, a city plagued with poverty and starvation. 

Zeke nods his head, causing his glasses to shift slightly on his nose. You head behind the counter and get to work. Your nimble fingers are quick to fill the beeswax wrap with two sourdough loaves, still warm, fresh from the oven. As you twist on the tag, the bell rings once more, alerting another customer. 

You crane your head towards the door. This time you are pleasantly surprised. Reiner appears at the doorway, his hair disheveled and the yellow armband slowly slipping down his arm. 

Reiner straightens next to Zeke and gives you a boyish grin. A blush covers your cheeks as you respond with a smile. 

“Here you are, Zeke,” you hand him the two loaves wrapped in beeswax. In turn, Zeke gives you a few bills that you place in the cash drawer. Zeke thanks you and turns to leave. Your attention is on Reiner, the boy who holds your heart. 

“I’m sorry, I haven’t been able to visit. The Marleyan military doesn't hold back when it comes to Warrior training.” Reiner reveals with a long sigh. 

His honey eyes hold yours. You wish you had the guts to confess your feelings, but your pride holds you back. What if he doesn’t feel the same way? You risk losing your best friend.

“That’s fine, Reiner. I just miss seeing you is all.” You spout before you can think twice. Your bold words tint his face pink. His reaction gives you a seed of hope. _What if the feeling is mutual?_

“Will you meet up with me tonight?” Reiner asks. “In our usual spot?” His eyes search yours. 

You nod your head. “Of course, but why?” Reiner asking to meet up must mean that something serious happened. Before he joined the Warrior program, you would spend every night on the rooftop with Reiner. You miss those days dearly. It was a simpler time back then. 

“I have something I need to tell you,” Reiner reveals in a low voice. 

“All right. I have something to share with you as well.” You declare on a whim. You made up your mind. You will confess tonight. He deserves to know. 

You hand Reiner half a dozen brioche buns, his favorite, and a few puff pastries for Miss Braun. She praises your baking skills whenever you see her and loves a good cream puff. Reiner waves goodbye and leaves the bakery with a bun in his mouth. You count down the hours until nightfall.

It’s a long day before your mother releases you from your duties. You stretch your back and hear a few satisfying pops. Your mother must've been a slavedriver in her past life. She robs every ounce of energy from you. 

You hurry to the small apartments on top of the bakery, the floor which you share with the Hoovers. On the stairs, you bump into Bertolt. 

“Sorry Bert, didn’t see you there.” You quip. Bertolt towers over you. He must have had another growth spurt. 

“No worries.” He gives you a gentle smile. “Off to see Reiner?” 

“Perhaps.” You wink. 

“And what should I say if your mother asks?” He asks, his pale green eyes linger on yours.

“That I couldn’t sleep and went on a stroll.” You respond while your hands glide up the railing. 

“Anything for your coconut macaroons.” He hums as you slide into your apartment. 

You rush to your room and exchange your worn clothes for a fresh, lavender dress. Rather than keeping your hair in a bun, you opt to comb it and leave it down. Tonight is a big night. You are confessing to Reiner. This is the first time you have done something like this, so you dress up. 

You shift the pillows on your bed to form the shape of a body and tuck it in under the thin covers. Your mother doesn’t need to know of your late-night excursions. You open the window overlooking the terrace and slip into the night sky.

Albeit a tad dangerous, you have snuck out hundreds of times before. Adrenaline fills your veins. Placing your foot on the crevices of the brick building you call home, you climb up to the roof, the stone digging into your wiry fingers as you ascend. 

Your fingers grip on the shingles as you haul yourself up. You huff once you reach the rooftop. It’s been too long since you’ve last scaled the building. The wind blows your hair in every direction. You adjust to the strands in your vision and notice Reiner already waiting for you. 

The roof is not as extravagant as you remember but remains your shared secret place. There is an unused shed in the back, dozens of broken panels scattered throughout, and a wooden ledge. Your mother concealed the rooftop entrance with plaster and paint since it was dangerous before renting the apartment to the Hoovers. The only way to reach the rooftop is to crawl up the side of the building. A fact that keeps many out. Only you and Reiner know of the place. 

Reiner sits on the ledge, on top of an old blanket to prevent splinters. He is leaning back on his arms, his eyes are on the cloudless sky. Reiner no longer wears the white Marleyan uniform. Instead, he is dressed in a beige button-down and navy trousers. When he detects your presence, he gives you a sad smile. 

You perch on the ledge next to him, allowing your legs to dangle in the air. The warm summer breeze rustles your dress and wafts his sweet scent. Amber and sandalwood drift in the wind. For a moment, it’s just the two of you on top of the world. 

Reiner removes his gaze from the stars to look over you. He notices your hair is down and your lavender dress, the one you save for special occasions. 

“What did you have to tell me?” Reiner asks, his words nudge you to reality. 

“You first.” You don’t want to confess right off the bat. You want to set the mood and give him a proper confession. 

Reiner lets out a deep sigh, one he has been bottling it up for a long time. He takes one of your hands resting on your lap and brings it closer to him. Reiner places your hand on his chest. You can feel his heartbeat through the fabric of his shirt. The low thrumming calms your senses. 

His heartbeat picks up when he begins to speak. “In a few days, I will inherit the Armoured Titan.” 

Your breath hitches. You knew this was going to happen. Yet you cannot help but cling to the fantasy that you will grow old with Reiner by your side. The dull throb returns in your chest. 

“They plan on sending four Warriors to Paradis to bring back the Founding Titan.” Reiner continues. 

“Are you one of the four?” You ask, although you already know the answer. Reiner nods his head reluctantly. 

“How long will that take?” You probe. 

“We don’t know. It could be weeks or months. The Founding Titan has been in hiding for decades.” 

Fear washes over you. Reiner is being sent on an unpredictable mission with a goal beyond the realms of possibility. The Founding Titan could be anywhere within the Walls. Marley is foolish to send four children alone to retrieve the Founding Titan. This could be the very last time you and Reiner meet up on the rooftop. 

You begin to spiral. You wish Reiner did not have to inherit the Armoured Titan. You wish he did not have to train to become a Warrior so young. You wish he lived a normal life. Tears brim your eyes. 

“Do you want this, Reiner?” Your honest question takes him aback. You want to know if he wishes the same things as you. 

“No one has ever asked me what I want.” He confides. There is a defeated look in his eyes. You wait patiently for the words to find him. 

“I don't know. My mother tells me that this will be for the best. That I will bring honor to the Braun family. But I’m not sure if it’s the honor that I’m after.” Reiner admits. He looks down at your hand on his chest and considers what could have been. 

“What is it that you want?” You ask again. 

“I want my father to be in our lives. I want him to take our family back. I want him to love my mother and me. I thought that becoming a Warrior would do that, but he has yet to show up…” 

_As if he is ashamed of his son,_ the silence tells you. You swallow hard and latch on to Reiner’s shoulders. His eyes glisten. 

“That’s not true. Anyone would be proud to have you as a son. My mother goes on and on about how hard-working and resilient you are.” You pull him into a warm embrace. 

“Little does she know what a crybaby you are.” You laugh as you feel his tears seep through your dress. 

Your hands travel from his shoulders to his soft hair. Your fingers trace his hairline as Reiner sobs quietly into your chest. The realization hits you. 

You love that he can be gentle and meek yet at the same time devoted and driven. You love how free he is on the rooftop. He can wear his heart on his sleeve. You love that he can be himself, if just around you. You don't mind that he is vulnerable at times. The world is a scary place to be in, but you are glad Reiner is by your side. Your feelings for him are more than a small crush. You love Reiner. 

_This is going to be a painful few months without him._ You realize as you draw circles into his back. 

Reiner moves away from your chest, yet still in your embrace. He rubs the remaining tears from his eyes and remembers, “What did you have to tell me, again?”

You had forgotten all about the confession you planned. 

“Oh, nothing.” You try and brush off. You don’t want to confess and take advantage of Reiner after sharing a part of himself he has never told anyone before. 

“Tell me.” Reiner sees right through your facade. “Better out than in.” His hands dance around the small of your back and settle on your hips. 

“Just how much I will miss you when you’re away.” You breathe. You are not lying but, it is not the full extent of the truth. His golden eyes reflect the thousands of stars above. 

He maneuvers until his head is placed on your lap. “Not a day goes by where I don’t think of you,” Reiner whispers. He’s shy to admit his feelings. 

You bend down and place a chaste kiss on his forehead. “Then you better come back to me.” 

“Always,” Reiner cups your cheek and promises.“I will always come back.”

* * *

The days trudge by. After the succession ceremony, Reiner is hardly himself. He inherits the Armored Titan along with hundreds of memories of its predecessors. It takes him a few days to adjust to the voices in his head. To adapt to the dancing visions in the corner of his eyes. 

Once Reiner recovers, Liberio throws a large celebration in honor of the four Warriors being sent to Paradis. You watch as Reiner, Bertolt, a ginger boy, and a blond girl are paraded around the city on a chariot. 

When Reiner sees you in the crowd outside the bakery, he nudges Bertolt and waves at you. For the first time in days, his smile reaches his eyes. Bertolt gives you a nervous grin and waves. He isn't used to the fame yet. After inheriting the Colossus, Bertolt seems more or less the same. It’s Reiner who worries you. 

Miss Braun asks you to join her in the Warrior’s sendoff. A private event closed to family members of the Warriors. The invitation warms your heart. You can say goodbye to Reiner one last time before he is sent to Paradis. 

Everything feels surreal. The conversation you shared with Reiner on the rooftop feels like an eternity ago. 

When the day the Warriors leave for Paradis rolls around, you have barely slept. You stumble out of bed and get dressed. You tried your best to bottle your emotions until after Reiner left, but last night was unbearable. A hurricane of tears spilled out of you. In your small bathroom mirror, you catch your reflection. Dark rings appear underneath your eyes. Your face is puffy and red from crying all night long. Your nose is runny, and your cheeks are sunken. You look like a mess. 

You slap both cheeks simultaneously to wake yourself up. Reiner is leaving for what could be months. This cannot be how you look to see him off. You run your fingers under freezing water and graze the rim of your eyes. Your skin feels raw and cold. You slip on the lavender dress again. It’s the best dress you own. 

When you glance at your mirror, you notice the puffiness has gone down, but the circles and redness remain. It is a quick fix. You do not look as dead as you did before, but Reiner can tell you were crying. He is bound to find out anyway. You dismiss the insecurity building in your heart and rush downstairs. 

Miss Braun waits outside your bakery with Reiner beside her. He has matching puffy eyes and a red nose. The only difference between you two is that Reiner has a deceptive grin plastered on his face. He does not want to say goodbye, but he wants to seem composed in front of his mother. Together, you walk to the docks where the families of the Warriors have gathered. 

You place a bag of brioche buns in his hands. As many as you could fit in the beeswax wrap. 

“If only it would last you the whole trip,” you joke, a hollow laugh escapes your lips. 

“I’ll be back before you know it.” Reiner gives you a genuine smile. He takes the bag and wraps his hands around your waist. Your arms envelop his shoulders. You inhale his scent one last time and bask in the gentle amber and sandalwood. 

“This isn’t goodbye, Reiner.” You whisper. “You better pay for those buns.” 

Reiner laughs, “With interest too?” 

“With interest too.” You blink away the tears forming in your eyes. “So, you best hurry back.” 

His hold tightens for a moment. Then he gently lets you go. Reiner hugs his mother and lumbers on the boat, where the other Warriors and a few Marleyan military officers are waiting. 

Reiner stands next to Bertolt and Marcel, the ginger boy he briefly introduced before getting on the boat. As the others wave goodbye to their families, his eyes never leave yours. When the ship is a safe distance away, he nods. His words come back to you. 

_I will always come back._

You refuse to give in to your fearful fantasies. Reiner will come back, no matter what.

* * *

In the beginning, you miss him so much, it hurts. It hurts not hearing from him. It hurts not knowing if he was alive or dead. Soon, everything hurt and you could barely leave your cot. 

Your mother yells at you to get a grip on yourself. 

“Moping around won’t help Reiner!” She scolds. Oddly enough, her nagging helps. You push yourself out of bed and through the motions of everyday life. 

A small voice in your mind whispers, _take it easy._ You fight it at first. You don’t want to forget Reiner. 

As more time goes by, you give in. You cave and take the easy way out. You bury your feelings. It’s the only way for you to get back to your life. Burying works. You still think about Reiner, just not as often. 

You visit Miss Braun every few days. After Reiner left, she moved in with her extended family. Reiner’s cousin, Gabi, is also training to be a Warrior. Her spunk reminds you nothing of him. You spend the evenings after closing the bakery with Gabi. She is one of the small pieces in Liberio that still bring you back to the days you spent with him. When the wind whistles and Gabi excitedly explains that she is at the top of her class, you can hear Reiner. Her words bring you back to the days you first started baking. 

Reiner sampled everything you baked, from the mouth-watering treats to the abominations. He would wrinkle his nose when you accidentally switched the sugar for salt in the blueberry tarts and exclaim in joy when you mastered the brioche buns. He claimed they were his favorite as soon as they were out of the oven and in his mouth. 

Once a week, you leave Miss Braun a plate of cream puffs and some tarts for Gabi and her family. Miss Braun says that you spoil her family too much, but it’s the least you can do. They are the only people you have left who remind you of Reiner. 

It’s a cold winter night of the last days of the year when you hear weeping through the thin walls of your apartment. Mr. Hoover stifles his sobs but some escape through his clamped hands. You piece it together. December 30th. It’s Bertolt's birthday. 

The next morning you bring Mr. Hoover a plate of Bertolt's favorite coconut macaroons. Bertolt would do anything for a good macaroon. When you mastered making them, you held sweeping power over the boy. Bertolt would tell you anything and lie for you in exchange for your best coconut macaroon. He covered your ass whenever your mother found your empty cot at night. Laughing in his memories, you pray he returns safely. You make it a tradition to leave coconut macaroons for Mr. Hoover on the 30th of every month. 

You long for the day Reiner returns in one piece. The thought alone gives you relief. You can only imagine what Reiner might look like now. He was always handsome. The thought keeps you busy for months. 

On restless nights, you remove the pillow from underneath your head and hug it close. You imagine Reiner curled up next to you, holding you close to his chest. His possessive hand wrapped around your waist. You can hear his heartbeat next to yours. How you wish it was Reiner instead of a lifeless cushion. The illusion soothes you to an uneasy sleep. 

Days turn to weeks. Weeks turn to months. Months turn to years. It’s been five years since you have last seen Reiner. Five long years. 

It’s another quiet day in the bakery. Your mother is upstairs, riddled with a headache. Over the years, you learned how to take over the bakery. You are far from a professional, like your mother, but no longer an apprentice. Some recipes still require her guidance. 

Your baked goods are a hit among the Marleyan Military. The reason is unknown to you. You have yet to see a Marleyan soldier at your bakery. They request you bring at least four dozen buns once a week to their main office. This week, they chose rum raisin hot cross buns. You have only made them a few times with your mother, but since she is out of commission, the fate of the order remains in your hands. 

Just as you are placing the last dozen buns into a basket, Gabi bursts in through the front door. Your heart nearly leaps out of your ribcage in shock. 

“Gabi! What are you-” 

“He’s back” she announces, her voice hoarse and out of breath. As if she ran all the way here from headquarters. She must have. To deliver you the news you have been waiting to hear. 

The words don’t even register in your mind. The basket in your hand falls to the ground. You are on your feet, running. Running as fast as you can, to the man you have missed all these years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii
> 
> This is my Reiner/Reader fic. Reiner is definitely one of the most complex characters of AOT and I wanted to explore a softer side of him.
> 
> Let me know what you think!


	2. Somewhere Only We Know

“I don’t see why a baker needs to leave the internment zone.” A Marleyan patrol officer sneers. He scans your empty hands and worn clothes.

“Especially without any goods.” He clutches the rifle closer to his shoulder. 

“Please, Mister. Just this once,” Gabi begs. She shows him the yellow armband fastened on her left arm, displaying her Warrior candidate status. The guard examines the armband closely but his eyes shift to the gray armband pinned to your arm. He scowls in disgust. 

To him, you are just a useless Eldian devil. There’s no reason for you to leave the internment zone without permission.

Despite this, your eyes are cold and dead. You have waited five years for Reiner to return only for his shallow man to stop you. You want to slap some sense into him. You have no military experience. You bear no threat against armed Marleyans.

A moment before you retaliate with bitter words, a young light-haired boy appears in front of you. A few folded papers are in his hands which he passes to the guard. The patrol officer scans the papers and his features twist in disapproval. When he sees the Commander’s seal at the bottom, he sighs and reluctantly opens the gate. 

“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” he spits. “You’re still an Eldian devil.” You lower your head in mock gratitude. Gabi pulls your arm and yanks you away before he can hurl more hateful words. 

Once you are out of earshot of the guards, the boy begins to speak. “Gabi! I told you not to bring her without getting permission first.” He shakes her shoulders in distress. 

“I expected you to get Magath’s permission while I ran to the internment zone.” Gabi shrugs away from his hold and crosses her arms. 

“For once you pulled through, Falco.” He rolls his eyes. Falco must be used to her domineering nature by now.

Gabi steers you through the maze of busy streets. Outside the internment zone, Liberio is filled with bustling street vendors and a sea of laughing children and traders. A savory aroma lingers in the air—fried meat perhaps—that brings you to the tips of your toes to catch. 

You have only been outside the internment zone a handful of times. The difference between Liberio and the internment zone is drastic. Your senses are swimming with all the new sights and smells. It’s hard to believe the internment zone is only a barbed gate away. 

Your eyes catch a horrific sight. A bronze figure stabbing through an enormous human head.

“It’s the statue of Helos.” Gabi laughs at your shocked face. “He was a Marleyan who defeated the Devil and saved the world.” 

A human defeating the Devil? The concept was alien to you. What could a mere human do? 

Gabi and Falco make a few turns and lead you to a large white building. The interior is spotless and the scent of disinfectant lingers in the air. You could almost appreciate the lengths the hospital goes to achieve this level of cleanliness if it weren’t for the disgusted stares the doctors and nurses gave you. 

Eldians aren’t allowed in hospitals unless they are Warriors. Falco and Gabi ignore the repulsed glares and you try to do the same. You should be grateful they aren’t threatening you to leave or throwing junk at you, but they rub you the wrong way. You aren’t doing anything wrong, not even asking for medical attention. 

But you hold your tongue. You’ve seen Marleyans throw empty liquor bottles at Eldians for less. 

Falco leads you to an abandoned section of the hospital. The fluorescent lights flicker and most of the floor tiles are cracked. You assume it must be going through renovations. Every corner of the main hospital was illuminated and impeccable. 

You expect Falco to direct you out of the haunted hallway and to another section of the hospital, but he does no such thing. Instead, Falco stops at the end of the hall and slides the door open. 

“Here we are.” Falco invites you into the room. He must have made a mistake. This can’t be where Reiner is held. You slowly inch inside, searching the new surroundings. 

The room is cramped and dreary. Nothing compared to the empty hospital rooms you passed on the way here. Falco dusts the chair next to the bed and gestures for you to sit.

“Thanks, Falco.” You take a seat on the chair and it creaks under your weight. You pray that it doesn’t fall apart then and there. 

Gabi draws the curtain next to the seat and a blonde man unconscious on the bed. You study his broad shoulders and the serious expression etched on his face even while asleep. Your heart stops. 

Reiner. Your best friend. The person who brought you soup when you were sick and always laughed at your terrible baking puns. 

A thin faded sheet covers him from the chest down. You scour his body for any superficial injuries. Reiner seems to be in one piece, he must have healed from any external wounds. 

While there are no signs of physical damage, you can already tell that Reiner is no longer the boy you knew in Liberio. You take in his new features. His deft body with smooth skin is all but gone replaced by taut muscles and rugged hands. 

But he’s still your Reiner. He’s finally back. Reiner kept his promise. 

“He’s been fading in and out since he’s got back,” Gabi reveals, her eyebrows scrunched up in worry. 

“Mister Zeke mentioned that the last battle nearly cost Reiner his life,” Falco murmurs, his hazel eyes fall to the floor. 

You choke back on a sob. How many times has Reiner been on death’s door? You hold his calloused fingers in yours. 

“We should get back to training,” Falco informs, nudging Gabi towards the door. “Magath must be looking for us.” Gabi nods, going along.

“Feel free to stay as long as you’d like—” She starts, heading to the door. 

“—unless they kick you out first.” Falco finishes, dragging Gabi out with him. He gently slides the door shut, allowing Reiner to catch up on some much-needed sleep. 

You let out a deep breath you didn’t know you were holding. Everything seems surreal. Reiner is here, next to you. You feel as though you are walking on a cloud. 

You bring your face to his chest and listen to his gentle heartbeat. The sound gives you a peace you haven’t felt in years. Tears slide down your face. It’s been far too long without him. 

Your breath hitches when you gaze up at his face. Reiner was always handsome, but now, there was something about his chiseled jawline, furrowed brows, and muscular build that draws you in. 

You grasp the hand closest to you and bring it to your cheek. His fingers tremble in your hold. Reiner’s calloused hand still feels like the same hand that held yours on the starlit rooftop all those years ago. A small laugh escapes your lips. While some things change, some things remain the same.

Shifting your weight off the chair, you relax on your arms in the narrow cot. Perhaps Reiner will wake up soon. 

You spend the next half hour imagining what his life must have been like in Paradis. While you don’t know the specifics of the mission, Marley had released numerous statements about “defeating the Island Devils”. You could connect the dots. The Warriors were sent to exterminate the Eldians of Paradis. 

You wonder what Reiner endured just to survive. The crimes he committed. The countless people he slaughtered. Despite everything he’s been through, you wonder if he’s still the Reiner you know and love.

Exhaustion catches up to you. You’ve been up an hour before dawn preparing the bakery order for the Marleyans soldiers. It’s nearly late afternoon. You rest your head on your arms and fall into a dreamless sleep. 

Reiner stirs awake. He groans at the dull throb in his temples and focuses on the dip beside him. His breath gets caught in his throat. 

Your hair falls in rings around your face. Even in the cramped position, you release soft snores. Reiner gazes below at your hand in his. 

His hold tightens, nudging you awake. You sit up on the chair and give him a small smile. 

“Am I dreaming?” His voice is deep and raspy. His eyes glassy, as if he has seen you in his dreams a thousand times before. 

“No.” You shake your head. “This is real.” His fingers graze your cheek, confirming your words. 

“Finally…” Reiner sighs. In one swift move, he pulls you on top of him with ease. You slump against his broad chest as his thick arms rest on your shoulders. 

“I’ve missed you so much,” Reiner confesses, holding you close. His embrace dissipates the insecurity that has been brewing inside of you for all these years. Reiner is here, finally in your arms.

“Hmm, I know.” You say while clutching the thin material of his collared shirt. “I missed you, too.” Your voice barely above a whisper. 

“Will you have to leave again?” You ask hesitantly. You’re not sure if your heart can handle being without him again. 

“Not for a while.” Reiner hums. 

“Promise?” You know it’s selfish of you to ask, but you can’t help yourself. 

“Have I ever broken a promise?” Reiner rumbles.

He runs a hand in your soft hair, caressing the strands as you melt into his chest. You never realized how much you missed his voice, his comforting words, his warmth. In minutes, he falls back asleep with a possessive hand around your waist.

You, on the other hand, are the farthest from sleep. Your heart hammers in your chest. You have imagined this for years, but the reality is nothing compared to your childish daydreams. 

These last five years, you’ve become a complete book worm. After long shifts, you found solace in the worn pages of steamy romance novels rather than night outings to the town center. 

Your humble nature didn’t stop customers from purchasing dozens of pastries, vying for your attention. People from all walks of life pursued the baker’s daughter, but none were successful. Your mother never asked why you rejected them all. She knew why, even if deep down you yourself didn’t know. 

Lost in your thoughts you lose track of time and eventually drift off to the rising and falling of Reiner’s chest.

* * *

You feel something tap your shoulder, nudging you awake. You rub the sleep out of your eyes and sit up. 

Your palm grazes a warm cheek. You look down and Reiner is sleeping soundly underneath you. Reiner. All the memories of the afternoon flood back. He’s back now, safely in your arms. 

A light blush settles on your features. Your eyes, lidded with devotion, flitter to what woke you. Zeke stands beside Reiner’s cot. He has a hand outstretched for you to take. Still drowsy, you slip your hand into Zeke’s as he pulls you off the bed. You land gently in his arms. 

“Let’s get you home. We can’t be outside the internment zone after curfew.” Zeke whispers in your ear.

You nod your head slowly. “Hmm.” Your voice is thick with sleep. Zeke begins to button his shirt. He must have been healing serious wounds. 

You grip his sleeve. “Are you okay?” Concern coats your words. Falco did say it was an impossible mission. 

“You’re worried about the wrong person,” Zeke smirks as he ruffles your hair. 

He slides the door open and holds it for you to pass through. Zeke strides in front of you, his tall stature shielding you from the piercing gaze of the doctors and nurses. 

You miss this as you're skipping about, in a daze with Reiner’s return. Zeke guides you outside the hospital and through the many winding streets leading back home. 

“After work, I can take you to the hospital tomorrow.” Zeke offers.

“Really?” You exclaim, a rose-colored haze brims your eyes. “I would love that.” Now you won’t have to spend all night wondering when you’ll see Reiner next. 

Zeke walks you to the front door of the bakery. You have to tiptoe to wrap your arms around his shoulders. 

“Thank you, Zeke.” You murmur. While the other Warriors were gone, Zeke always made sure you were taken care of. He would visit the bakery once a week and you had a hunch Zeke was behind the weekly military bakery orders. Even now, he goes out of his way so that you can see Reiner. 

“Anytime.” Zeke replies, scratching his ear. You wave your hand goodbye and slip into the unlit bakery. 

You’re just about to step up the stairs when you pass a shadow leaning on the cashier stool. Fear tingles down your spine. 

The figure turns on the kitchen lights and you realize that your mother was waiting in the dark for your return. It dawns on you that it’s practically past curfew and never told your mother the news. You’re in big trouble now. 

“Where have you been?” She shrieks. “You nearly gave me a heart attack.” She picks up the broom from the supplies closet and raises it to thwack you. 

“Ahh, wait, wait.” You raise your hands in defense. You close your eyes in anticipation of the light thump. “Reiner’s back.”

“What-” Your mother drops the broom. She pulls you into a tight embrace, knocking the air out of your lungs. 

“He’s finally back.” You repeat, not even believing yourself. You’re afraid you’ll wake up any moment now and return to the reality where Reiner is far from home. 

The bottled-up emotions from the past few years come crashing down as you weep into your mother’s arms. You didn’t think it was possible to miss someone so much that it made your heart hurt. 

“Zeke promised to take me back to the hospital where Reiner is held.” You squeeze in between sniffles.

“When?” Your mother asks as she wipes the tears trailing down your cheeks with her fingertips. 

“Tomorrow evening.” You pause to blow your nose “After work, of course.” You assure her while hugging her shoulders once more. 

“Did you see Bertholdt and Marcel?” She asks, picking up the broom and storing it away in the supply closet. 

You clasp a palm to your mouth. You were so caught up with Reiner that you didn’t even bother to check up on the other Warriors. 

Seeing your shocked response your mother smiles. “Forgetful as always.” 

“Remember to bring them some pastries tomorrow.” Your mother prods as you stride toward the stairs. 

“Since Bertolt is back, will Mr. Hoover be moving to the Warrior’s Village?” You ask with one hand around the railing. 

The Warriors lived in a ring of cozy Marleyan houses on the edge of the internment zone. The lavish homes were another privilege to entice more Candidates to join the Warrior training program. A small price to pay to overlook the casualty count of the Warrior program would often arise. Since Mr. Hoover had no one to share the house with, he opted to stay in the apartment above the bakery. 

“Perhaps. He hasn’t said anything to me yet.” Your mother replies. “If he is moving, you have to help him.” 

“Of course, Mr. Hoover is practically family.” You promise, rushing up the stairs. You have a long day ahead tomorrow.

* * *

You could hardly sleep that night. Convinced that everything that happened the day before, you kept waking up every half hour. 

When your alarm bell rang, you were exhausted with dark circles underneath your eyes. You shut it off with a satisfying slap and trudged out of bed. 

You move through the motions of another long day, your mind unforced on the task at hand. It all feels so surreal, seeing Reiner and Bert again. 

To make it up to Bertolt and Marcel for not seeing them yesterday, you bake up a storm. You pack a dozen coconut macaroons for Bert. You wonder how he might react after not having one for so long. Perhaps Paradis had coconut macaroons too. 

You’re not sure what Marcel and Annie like, so you bake a little bit of everything. Using the excess ingredients from the day, you attempt to bake every puff pastry in your mother’s cookbooks. An impossible feat turned to reality with your excitement. 

It’s late afternoon when Zeke arrives at the bakery, ducking his head past the lowered entrance. 

Your nimble fingers fill a woven basket with butter tarts, raspberry scones, and cinnamon rolls.

“All this just for us?” He questions, eyeing the overflowing basket.

“I figured you’re all sick of the hospital food they’re forcing down your throats.” You quip. 

“Honestly, they treat us like punished children.” Zeke sighs. 

“A scone will do you some good then.” You wink with a sly smile splayed on your face. 

“Let me at least carry it for you.” Zeke wraps his fingers around the wooden handles. 

“No, no. You just got back from battle.” You swat his hands away. “This is the least I can do.” 

“Did you sleep at all last night?” Zeke scans the rings underneath your eyes. “You look like a ghost.” 

“Wait, really?” You dash to look in the small mirror situated in the supply closet. You look the same as usual, albeit a tad exhausted.

“It’s not _that_ bad.” You cross your arms against your chest. Zeke had a habit of teasing you. When you return to the kitchen, Zeke has the basket strategically behind his arms. 

“What are you waiting for? Let’s go.” Zeke ushers you to the door. You unknot the flour-covered apron around your waist and throw it in a laundry bin at the corner of the kitchen. 

The peach sunset only peaks your mood. You’re thrilled to see Reiner and Bert again, you nearly skip your way to the hospital. 

If Zeke notices the hop in your step, he doesn’t say anything. Zeke silently guides you to the heavily guarded fence and hands the patrol officer your letter of permission for leaving the internment zone. 

You’re not sure who in the Marleyan brass is giving you permission to exit the internment zone, but you decide it’s best not to pry. Zeke catches your lingering gaze on the slip of paper and answers the question at the tip of your tongue. 

“Commander Magath is the one granting you permission to leave the internment zone. Something about young love and having Reiner back on his feet as soon as possible.” Zeke shrugs his shoulders. 

Turns out more people know about you and Reiner than you thought. 

“Is that so?” The blush spreads to your ears. “When will Reiner be discharged?” You ask, quickly switching the subject. 

“Most likely tonight. He’s been out and about since last night.” Zeke replies. 

“Already?” Your eyes widen in surprise. 

“You’d be surprised how fast our healing abilities are.” 

You hum in thought. Perhaps Reiner could return home with you on the way back. 

When Zeke slides Reiner’s hospital door open, the atmosphere of the room has shifted. While it was always dark and dreary, Reiner seems to exude the dismal spirit. 

His golden eyes light up once he sees you. “You’re back.” Reiner rasps. 

“Back with plenty of desserts.” You chide, taking the basket from Zeke’s fingers and placing it on the flimsy chair. 

“Where are Bert and Marcel?” You look around the empty room. “And Annie?”

“They’re not here.” Reiner mutters, coughing into a fist. 

“Well, go call them. I brought more than enough pastries.” You order, bringing your attention to the wooden basket. 

“I wasn’t sure what to bake for Marcel and Annie, so I brought a little bit of everything.” You continue, taking out the pastries one by one, laying them on the chair. 

You look at Reiner and Zeke. Reiner stays frozen in memories and Zeke gazes down at the shattered floor tiles. 

Their reaction is unexpected so you slowly bring out all the pastries. _Do they not like any of the pasties I brought?_ You try not to look hurt. 

You slide out the dozen coconut macaroons. “See, I even made Bert’s favorites even though they take forever to make.” You roll your eyes though you know every minute would be worth it for one of Bert’s priceless smiles. 

Zeke finally speaks up. “The Colossus has been compromised.” 

“Compromised? What do you mean-” You’re cut off by Reiner. 

“Out of the original four Warriors sent to retrieve the Founding Titan, I was the only one who made it back.” 

“ _What?”_ Your voice is small and constrained. The sleeve of coconut macaroons fall out of your hands and land heavy on your lap. 

__

__

“What happened?” You swallow but it proves to be difficult. 

“We’re not sure if Bertolt is dead or alive. He was captured and delimbed.” Zeke explains. 

_Bertolt was rendered defenseless and eaten._ The silence tells you. _You’ll never see him again._

Memories of Bertolt flash before your eyes. You remember the night he was selected to be a Warrior. You remember how overcome he was with joy, even if it meant diminishing his life to a mere thirteen years. Bertolt worked harder than anyone else so that Mr. Hoover could seek the medical care he needed in Marley.

_And for what? What was the point of it all if Bertolt didn’t even make it back?_

“They lost Jaws on the first night of the mission-” Zeke continues. 

“Marcel.” You interject. “We didn’t just lose the Jaw Titan, we lost Marcel as well.” Anger bubbles in your chest. The mission began five years ago. Marcel’s family was still praying for his return, unaware of his death. Marcel passed on an unknown island, far from home. 

“Right. We lost Marcel and Jaws, but Reiner was able to bring the Jaw Titan inheritor back.” 

“And Annie?” Your voice, small again. 

“Annie crystallized herself before she fell into enemy hands.” Reiner answers gravely. “She’s alive but held deep underground.” 

The world spins rapidly as you try to wrap your head around the bitter truth. You curl your fingers against the metal railing to maintain your balance. 

“I’m so sorry.” He gently whispers. His dull amber eyes connect with yours. Then it hits you. Reiner lost more than his best friends in Paradis. Riddled with guilt, he also lost himself. 

Without warning, a light-haired boy who resembles Falco bursts into the room. “War Chief, I need-” 

He stops himself. “I apologize, I didn’t mean to interrupt.” 

“Not your fault, Colt.” Zeke shakes his head. “What did you need?” 

“Commander Magath has called for an emergency meeting and requests your presence.” Colt salutes. 

Zeke lets out a sigh. “Duty calls.” He meets your eyes. “Reiner, can you take her home?” 

“Yes, sir.” Reiner replies, his voice void of all emotions. Zeke turns to leave with Colt, but you pull on the sleeve of his coat. 

“Take these.” You bring the lot of individually wrapped pastries and place them back in the basket. 

“Are you sure?” Zeke asks. 

You nod your head. “Share them with the others.” Once Zeke and Colt empty the room, you kneel on the cot and pull Reiner down beside you. 

His hands find the small of your back as you lean your elbows on his shoulders and weave your fingers through his soft hair. 

“Reiner, I’m so sorry.” You whisper. His wide eyes confirm your suspicions. Reiner blames himself for their deaths. For Marcel. For Bertolt. 

“I-” Reiner lowers his head to your chest “I couldn’t even save Bert.” His voice shakes. The pads of your fingertips wipe the silent tears slipping down his face. 

“You did everything you could.” You say, rubbing soothing circles on his back. “That’s all anyone could ask for.” 

“No, Marcel-” His breath gets caught in his throat. “Marcel saved my life on the first night. He pushed me out of the way when a rogue titan attacked.”

Paradis is surrounded by mindless titans. Eldian criminals or rebels sentenced to an eternity on the island, searching for other Eldians to fill their endless hunger. An inhuman punishment for Eldians that Marley weaponized. 

“And you couldn’t transform?” You ask gently. 

“The titan caught us off guard. They’re meant to be inactive at night, but this titan came out from underground. It must have heard us when we were camping nearby.” Reiner describes, his hands tremble with the memory. 

You can’t fault a mindless titan. They have no real will of their own. But you don’t know who to blame. Reiner and the other Warriors were thrown in a situation beyond their years. What was Marley thinking when they sent four children to an island surrounded by man-eating monsters? Your hands clench into small fists. 

“Marcel told us that he talked down his brother to the brass. He put me on a pedestal to protect his brother. I was never meant to go on the mission. Marley was never supposed to choose me.” 

You remember Marcel’s brother. Porco, you believe his name was. Porco threw quite the tantrum the day the selection came out. He was the only one left behind and he gave Reiner hell for being chosen over him.

Reiner recounted only the first night of his mission. You can’t imagine how much worse things may have gone. 

“I wish I was never chosen.” Reiner sobs. His tears stain your blouse. You’re speechless. You’ve never seen Reiner so broken, so close to the edge of disparity. His eyes dull, caught in the ghosts of the past. 

You wish you had the words, the courage to bring him back to the way he was. Instead, another apology tumbles out of your lips. 

“Reiner, I’m so sorry. You were too young, all of you were. How are four children supposed to return the Founding Titan that was lost decades ago?” You hug him closer to your chest. 

“The mission was impossible to begin with. If only Marley had seen that from the beginning.” You whisper. 

Reiner nods slowly. His back shudders with another memory and he tightens around your waist to stay grounded. Reiner is no longer the boy you knew. The boy you love was forced to mature far too young, his childhood stolen from him. Reiner lost his two best friends on the island, so close yet so far from home. 

You can feel your heart break as Reiner’s soft cries turn to silent wails. This is all you can do for now. Comfort him and be his shoulder to lean on. How long has it been since he last vulnerable with someone? 

When the sun begins to sink behind the clouds, Reiner pulls away from you. His cheeks flushed and his eyelashes wet with tears. 

“Reiner, let’s go home.” You murmur, wiping away the last of his tears. 

“Hmm, I miss home.” Reiner whispers back, his voice raw and heavy. He stands on his feet and sways to the chair. His body may be fully healed but his mind is in shambles. 

You reach out for his hand, his familiar warmth calms your senses. Reiner intertwines his fingers with yours, bringing a small smile to your face. Some things don’t change. 

The walk home is bittersweet. You weave through the foreign streets, following the landmarks Gabi and Falco pointed out the other day. Reiner follows your lead, lost in thought. You notice that he does that a lot now. You wonder what he’s thinking about, what memories he’s lost in. 

With your hand in his, you forget the piercing stares the Marleyan patrol officers give you as they begrudgingly open the gates. 

“Let’s go to the rooftop.” You muse, not wanting to part with Reiner just yet. Reiner nods and follows your lead to the narrow alley behind the bakery. 

“We haven’t been up there in forever.” Reiner says softly. He places his hand on the brick building. When was the last time you scaled the building? It feels like a lifetime ago. 

Reiner climbs first, leaving you a path of sturdy bricks to place your hands and feet on. The wind whips your hair and you have to dig your fingers into the stone to keep from falling. By the time you reach the top, you’re huffing. You don’t remember climbing the building to be so laborious. 

“Need some help?” Reiner asks. 

“It’s been too long since I’ve done this.” You grasp onto his calloused hand. Reiner easily pulls you to the edge of the roof. He places you gently on the old blanket. After all these years, it remains glued to the wooden slabs. 

Reiner sits on the edge, he gazes at the city below. Not a lot has changed since he was last in Liberio. Overcrowded apartments with several families living in homes the size of broom closets. Orphans begging for scraps of food on the cramped streets. The widespread starvation, illness, and poverty. 

Reiner shudders again with guilt. Marley promised to transport bread, potatoes, and greens to the internment zone once the Warriors had succeeded in their mission in Paradis. The lives of those he could have saved weigh his body down. 

You catch the subtle slump of his shoulders. 

“When the Warriors left, Marley shipped flour, rice, and oats to Liberio each month.” You pause to look at his somber eyes. 

“Since then, my mother and I have used the ingredients to bake different recipes and gave the food to those who need it.” 

Your words ignite a fire in his chest he hasn’t felt in years. When Reiner looks at the children on the streets once more, they are no longer struggling to survive on the streets but playing hopscotch on the sidewalks. His overbearing guilt distorted his reality. 

“You did that?” Reiner asks, his eyes glisten. 

“Well, I couldn’t have done it alone. We used the goods given to us for your mission. Families donated their leftover ingredients. From there, we distributed the loaves of bread, rice cakes, and oat bars.” 

Your words paint pictures in Reiner’s mind. He could see you waking up at dawn and whisking away till dusk until the whole bakery was filled with goods. He could see you handing out the goods to families who did not have enough food or were simply hungry. He could see you searching the streets, looking for anyone who needed food. With the means to do so, you made sure to end the hunger that plagued Liberio’s internment zone. 

“Thank you. For saving Liberio.” His rough fingers cup your cheek. “For saving me.” 

“I had to make sure there was a home for you to come back to.” You bring a hand to cover your blushed features. 

Reiner catches your fingers and pulls you close to his chest. Hearing his racing heartbeat compete with your own makes you wonder. Perhaps you’re not the only one who feels this way. 

_I just want to hold him close and never let him go._ Your mind admits. The heat on your cheeks spreads to your ears. 

Reiner wraps his arms around your shoulders. For a moment, it’s just the two of you on top of the world. Reiner’s hold tightens a bit and you clutch onto his collared shirt. You miss Reiner’s eyes widen in disbelief. He gently lets go. His hands clasp your shoulders and he pulls you away. 

You don’t want Reiner to see you like this, a blushing, trembling mess. You want to hide your face, but when you meet his amber eyes, your heart stops. 

Reiner’s flushed features match your own. Your hands relax against his chest. You spend an eternity lost in his golden eyes. 

“It’s been so long since I’ve seen you like this,” Reiner whispers. 

“It feels a lot longer than five years.” You murmur back. Reiner looks at you like he wants to say more, but something holds him back. You lower your eyes to his chest. 

“The trauma, the pain—” You place your fingers gently over his heartbeat “—you don’t have to carry it alone. I will always be here to listen.” 

“When we finally made it within the walls, we trained in their military program. We thought it was the best way to learn about their fighting technique while searching for the Founding Titan.” Reiner reveals the bits and pieces of what happened in the past five years. 

“It wasn’t what I expected. I thought they were Island Devils who cared about nothing but themselves but they weren’t. They were more than that. They were my comrades, my friends.” He shudders when he continues. 

“And I betrayed them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii
> 
> Sorry for the long hiatus! Classes really picked up these last few weeks.
> 
> As always, let me know what you think. I love hearing from you. <33


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